You know, we never really went through the honeymoon phase.  We just kind of settled into the long-term relationship part.  I think it was a little bit because I was so tired of relationships when we started, and I had previously broken off an emotionally abusive relationship and had spent the months prior to meeting Juan undergoing enormous personal growth.  I was tired of being pushed around and came back ready to not take shit from anyone.

I never really had the butterflies thing, or the rush of emotions from “falling in love.”  And I’ve never been so secure in a relationship.  No matter what happens, the thought of breaking up is always silly to me, and I am never worried that he will break up with me.

I think Juan and I just kind of looked at each other and said, “Yes, you,” took hands, and rode off into the sunset complacently.

So I’m getting really excited about going!  It’s slowly sinking in.

My mom emailed me two days ago asking me to help her pick out a webcam to send to Juan so that she could see and talk to him before I go there. I had already bought him a webcam for Christmas and had just been keeping it in my closet since then (since all of our plans to be together fell through…), so I told mom she could just take that one and send it. I’m excited because it means I’m not paying $40 to send a little webcam to Peru, and I get to see and hear him on webcam from now on, too.  He’s nervous about talking to my mom, but he is such a sweetheart, my mom will love him.  I’m really glad my mom is taking a proactive stance on this.

- R

I hate that Lana Del Ray always shows up when I search the LDR tag.

Juan and I would like to announce that after debating and debating, I have finally bought a plane ticket and I will be visiting him this August ($665 wasn’t a bad price, considering they’re usually $8-900… if you’re going to Peru in August, heads up, there are some tickets up for like $650 right now from TACA).  You will see on the alwaystomato page (http://alwaystomato.tumblr.com) a new counter, counting down until we meet for the first time.  

Prost!

- R 

This is how I felt when she told me about it. :3

- J

R: How do I tell my mom that I’m going to Peru in August regardless of whether she approves?

Obviously this is not a complete list, so don’t get your knickers in a bunch if you are a dedicated LDR blog and you do not yet appear on this list. All you have to do is message me.

LDR directory

-R

Sometimes it hits me so hard. There’s always something missing— I can feel it, right here, in my chest— and it just has to be you. It’s a deep, deep longing that I can never satiate. It eats at me and hungers for something I cannot give. It paralyzes me from the inside, crippling me, and suddenly all my thoughts are you.

Please. :)

Honestly, I’m a little tired of the word “strong.”  I’m tired of people telling me to “stay strong.”  I’m tired of “xx months strong <3”;  I’m tired of “our love is so strong.”  I guess I’m tired of the abstract meaning of “strong.”

I’m not strong.  There is no “strength.”  I made a commitment when I started this and it is no different from any other commitment.  ”Strong” is a word to be used for the exceptional; I am not exceptional.

Surely you would say, “but you have gone so long without things I cannot go without.”  And to you, I would say, “those are not things you cannot go without; they are things you do not wish to go without.”

- R

I want to start planning a trip in August to Peru, but my summer plans are so unsure at the moment, I’m not really certain when or even if I can. I don’t know how research works this summer since I’ll no longer qualify as “undergraduate”, so I don’t really know if there are stipends that I can use to cover housing.

On that note, I have no idea where I’m going to live. I have friends who have already signed leases for next year. I suppose I can ask around. My mom seemed interested in putting me in grad housing, so if she would help with the costs, that would be great… Otherwise I’ll be kind of using money I’ve saved up from scholarships and summer jobs and such. I have enough for the year, I think, but considering I do not have a job, it might get tight. I still have to pay for my ticket to Peru and whatever other expenses we will have there.

I would love love love for my whole family to go with me, but it is, again, about money, and while my mom is not closed to the idea, I am fully understanding that it would cost a minimum of $3000 for my family (not including me) to go, and that’s with Juan covering some of the hotel and food costs. In all, the trip comes closer to $4000 for just my family, which is not money we just have laying around. I don’t think it will happen. I think I’m going to have to go on my own.

Just because we’re LD doesn’t mean we don’t have plans! I found out that Peru also has Kraft macaroni and cheese.  I’m pleasantly surprised!  We both went to the store today and bought a box, which we will make together on Valentine’s Day (as in, at the same time), then enjoy together over Skype (I wish he had a webcam… I guess pictures and munching noises will suffice). We’ll probably watch a movie, too.  It’s our second V-Day as a couple and we don’t really make a big deal out of it, but we thought it was a nice occasion to do something special together.

- R

One of the groups at my school focuses on helping people who are going through dating violence of any type.  Every year they have a “sex and chocolate” forum-type thing where they bring yummy foods and we sit around and ask questions anonymously that pertain to love, sex, and relationships and answer them together.  I wasn’t planning on going, but I ran into a friend on my way back from class and she invited me along with her, so I went.

Another part of the event is that they have several prizes like Victoria’s Secret giftcards, condoms, lube, lingerie, etc.  Go figure, I win the condoms and lube.  

‘cause I can totally use them.

-R