You know, we never really went through the honeymoon phase.  We just kind of settled into the long-term relationship part.  I think it was a little bit because I was so tired of relationships when we started, and I had previously broken off an emotionally abusive relationship and had spent the months prior to meeting Juan undergoing enormous personal growth.  I was tired of being pushed around and came back ready to not take shit from anyone.

I never really had the butterflies thing, or the rush of emotions from “falling in love.”  And I’ve never been so secure in a relationship.  No matter what happens, the thought of breaking up is always silly to me, and I am never worried that he will break up with me.

I think Juan and I just kind of looked at each other and said, “Yes, you,” took hands, and rode off into the sunset complacently.

Obviously this is not a complete list, so don’t get your knickers in a bunch if you are a dedicated LDR blog and you do not yet appear on this list. All you have to do is message me.

LDR directory

-R

Sometimes it hits me so hard. There’s always something missing— I can feel it, right here, in my chest— and it just has to be you. It’s a deep, deep longing that I can never satiate. It eats at me and hungers for something I cannot give. It paralyzes me from the inside, crippling me, and suddenly all my thoughts are you.

Please. :)

Honestly, I’m a little tired of the word “strong.”  I’m tired of people telling me to “stay strong.”  I’m tired of “xx months strong <3”;  I’m tired of “our love is so strong.”  I guess I’m tired of the abstract meaning of “strong.”

I’m not strong.  There is no “strength.”  I made a commitment when I started this and it is no different from any other commitment.  ”Strong” is a word to be used for the exceptional; I am not exceptional.

Surely you would say, “but you have gone so long without things I cannot go without.”  And to you, I would say, “those are not things you cannot go without; they are things you do not wish to go without.”

- R

Just because we’re LD doesn’t mean we don’t have plans! I found out that Peru also has Kraft macaroni and cheese.  I’m pleasantly surprised!  We both went to the store today and bought a box, which we will make together on Valentine’s Day (as in, at the same time), then enjoy together over Skype (I wish he had a webcam… I guess pictures and munching noises will suffice). We’ll probably watch a movie, too.  It’s our second V-Day as a couple and we don’t really make a big deal out of it, but we thought it was a nice occasion to do something special together.

- R

Being in a long-distance relationship feels very taxing today.  Each time a way we can be together doesn’t work out or is turned down, I feel like the distance multiplies.  This has been a major stress factor in our relationship lately.  I don’t want to give up— not at all— but I am very sad on the inside and jealous of the couples who were able to be together over the holidays.  It’s neither of our faults that things turned out this way, but now that he hasn’t been able to get a visa, I feel more nervous.  I’m at a very in-between time in my life right now, and there are times when I feel like I’m just in the wrong place.  There isn’t much I can do right now.

-R